Well, the Baddass Black Guitar WAS A LIE! Because sloppy Guitar Centering.
Here it is from the beginning:
I sayed "I CAN HAZ COOSTIC GEETAR FOR CHEEPS?"
and CR sayed "YA GET THIS ONE IZ GUD DEEL!"
so I sayed "YAY GIMME!"
and then post mang sayed "IZ HERE DUDE!"
and I sayed "YAY (rip tear bubble popopop) OH NOES IZ
NOT AS ADVERTISED!!"
And I had a suspicion about it when I looked up the model on the mfgr site and they
didn't mention anything about ever making that one in black. And the ad had NO PIC.
Here it is:

Now, I'm a total muggle when it comes to guitar wizardry,
but I knew at once that this wasn't the goods when I saw this:

Because my homework told me that I should be expecting the SuperZonic 10 Band
Electronolyzer with Built-in-Tune-O-Bueno Display™. Which this obviously wasn't.
Here's the lazy employee part:

OK, I'll admit the Model number is something along the lines of
ظهغگچﺷظ,
but c'mon, GC Dude! We should expect a little better sleuthing than
that.
BUT: I have always sayed that GC is a good place to buy used stuff, because if they screw up THEY MAKE IT RIGHT.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
F'rinstance, they took that one back, sayed "sorry dude", and made me a good deal on this used solid mahogany dred:
Because I remembered mah fren Clav sayed "DUDE JUST GET A FENDER YUL B FIEN!"
Kinda badass, maybe?